It was all because of a cat !

It all started with me wanting a cat !  We have moved to Tasmania because my husband always wanted to be here. He had a freak accident where he fell off his bike onto a star picket which went through his eye into his brain. He was supposed to die that day in 2009 but he is a very strong willed and stoic man and not only lived through that, he is walking, talking and ‘looks’ quite well to the unknown.

A miracle, yes ! the doctors said at best he would be a vegetable needing full nursing care.  But we (read I) have problems with his brain injury. HE doesn’t think there is anything wrong with him, which is great, BUT because of this, he doesn't know, can’t remember how much I really do for him.

After his accident I was a bit dubious about moving so far away from family and friends, but this had been his dream, I still hesitated, afraid and then he started to have seizures. I had never seen a seizure before and I found him after he had one.

I promised myself that if he came out of this(I thought it was a stroke and so did the ambulance guys) I would move to Tasmania with him so at least he can be happy. Life is too short !

Well with all the stuff that I have to deal with, and me missing my friends and kids over here, (he is quite happy to stay home and plod along and feels safe in this environment) I thought it would be nice to have a cat.  So I researched and found a breed that I would like, discussed it with my husband and found a breeder.

I wanted an older cat. I didn't want to deal with a kitten. I found two lovely breeders who had two cats that had finished breeding only two years old that they were willing to give me at a really good price. As soon as I mentioned this to him, he went off, he told me I wasn't being responsible because I ‘flit’ off to Brisbane.

The funny thing is I DO NOT ‘flit’ off, as a matter of fact I have not left his side except once in this whole time. When we go to Brisbane it is for doctor's visits for him, and I did ‘flit’ off once a few weeks ago to go wedding dress shopping with my daughter! But I think he felt insecure because I wasn't here. The thing is the words ‘not being responsible’ hit a cord.

It goes back to when I was 5 and I was responsible for one sibling and then as the years went along 3 siblings, I was a single mother of two beautiful children, I was responsible for them not getting help from their father, I was responsible for my mother when my father died, I feel responsible for my brother who doesn't have a job and has 3 children and now I am responsible for my husband.

It was quite like someone flicked a switch. I went into the shower after this conversation and it was almost exploding my brain, I started to cry, and sobbed and sobbed for a good 20 minutes.   I HAD been responsible all my life for one thing or another and never acknowledged for it ! I was sobbing so much I thought I was going to be sick. I came out of the shower and HAD to get out of the house.

The weather here is horrid, it was raining sideways and the wind was blowing, but get out I did. I think I surprised my husband that I wanted to go out, but I said in no uncertain terms that I needed to get out. I walked and walked and cried and cried. But came back home, calmer and also wondering about something Jon Gabriel had mentioned on the webinare that sometimes it is a ‘cord’ that needs to be struck for you to have a good cry about something deep inside you which turns off a fat trigger!!! Can’t tell you for sure whether that is what it is, but I have been walking 5km a day and feel like I have ‘shifted’. I am still struggling with the responsibility issues.

I discussed with my husband what he said to me, and how I felt, he apologised and I know he felt bad. The upside is I have since got a cat, I think it will be good for him as much as it will be good for me.