In a previous blog I mentioned Victor had an accident and how it has now affected us. I will first start by telling you a little bit about him.
Victor is my husband ( we got married on 7 December 2012). He is a beautiful, thoughtful and soft hearted man. He is sensitive to my needs and generous. But it has not always been like this. Victor and I met in 2005 by chance. We have been together since. However, because we had both lived on our own for a few years, we were both quite set in our ways. And I was quite determined that no man was ever going to be in my life on a permanent basis - I will write another post about this one day.
What tipped me over the edge with Victor was he was consistent, determined, smart, had a sense of humour and most of all I never ever had to worry about whether he was going to call me or whether I was going to see him again. Each and every time we met, he would have another date planned and always called me and emailed me each and every day. Apparently, he has not been like this before, so maybe he had learnt his lessons, I am not sure.....
I remember, when we first started dating he used to come and pick me up from my house. I was determined that this man was not going to mess my children's life, and not get close to me, so as soon as I saw his car pull up in the drive way I would run out to the car and off we went. Until... one day my daughter who was then all of 20 said to me ' mum every man is not going to hurt you, and every man is not dad and he seems like a nice man - give him a chance'. I would like to think that she gets her intelligence and common sense from me but she is one smart cookie. Yes, it struck me, just those few words. And I invited him to our Sunday dinners the next Sunday.
It was a surprise to all when they found out that I had invited him to Sunday dinner. Sunday was sacred to me. Being a single mother, I hardly had time to breathe, leave alone sit around and have quality time with my two precious children. And they were growing up fast and I would hardly see them during the week, with their social activities. So, Sunday was a day that we all had to be home by 4pm. I would cook a beautiful dinner, always new receipes with ingredients that sometimes we couldn't afford and sit down, with no TV and no distractions and have a lovely meal. The children were allowed to invite a guest if they so wished but the rules still stood. I never invited anyone ever before, because I just wanted to spend time with the kids. But here was Victor at Sunday dinner.
I can't tell you what I cooked that night but I love cooking and it must have been alright. Since then for the next few months he was not only a frequent diner at our Sunday dinners but a frequent diner at most of our evening meals.
The kids seemed to like him although my son who was very very protective of me after my last relationship was not so keen although he was never ever rude to Victor, there was always that barrier. I used to think it was the Alpha male thing going on.
Shortly afterwards we moved in together and the following year I gave up my home and moved in with Victor. My son rented the house that I was living in and my daughter had moved in with her boyfriend.
The things I like about Victor is his sense of confidence. His sense of self worth and his will power. Nothing seems to shake him. He is able to shrug his shoulders and get on with life whatever it dishes out to him. He went to boarding school when he was 5 in Africa so I guess that breeds the way he lives.
Initially this used to be disconcerting to me. He was not gushy, and I had to learn that you didn't need flowery words to show someone that you love them. I used to feel that he wouldn't care if I wasn't around. But later found, that he had learnt at a young age, that you must never ever show your feelings to anyone which then lets them know how vulnerable you are. I am a person who wears my heart on my sleeve - it was different. A very smart lady once told me. You need to see what he does for you rather than what he 'says' to you to know whether he loves you. Little things like making cups of tea, taking the garbage out without being asked it is all the little things you need to look at rather than look for flowery words that could very well be empty words' Smart woman as I said, because I saw him in whole different light. A man who did hundreds of little things for me, to show me he loved me the only way he knew how. I still told him I loved him, I still gushed - because I was not going to change me, but there you go, opposites attract.
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