My mentor and my inspiration

Today is my dad's birthday.  He has been gone now for over 26 years.  But I remember every single lesson he taught me and still draw on his teachings and his thirst to do well, his social demeanour and his ability to make friends with anyone in any walk of life.  His generosity to others less well off than him and his music style.

He was a vibrant man that never said he can't do something.  He was an entrepreneur and a definitely a man ahead of his time. He came from a background that was not at all well to do by Sri Lankan standards.  The family had a lot of properties but they were not considered wealthy.  I think he might have passed his grade 10 exams but didn't go further.

However, he was 'accepted' by my maternal grandfather to marry my mother because he came from a 'good sinhalese background  and he was a Buddhist'.  My maternal grandparents were a well off family and didn't have to do without.

After my parents got married they lived with my maternal grandparents, my dad was working in an advertising firm, and before I was two, decided that he needed to pursue further studies and set off to England.  My mother and I followed him by ship.  My very first recollection as a child is arriving in London and not knowing my father when he came on board the ship to pick us up. I refused to talk to him.

I don't think I was much older when he taught me the first lesson that I remember.  We were renting a flat  in a house, the landlady who was Italian who was also my babysitter had instructed me that IF my parents ever asked me to do any chores I was to come down to her and she will come and do it for me.  So, my dad asked me to do something, and I ran down the stairs and called on my ali.  Duly she came up and asked what she can do for my dad.  My dad was a man of few words when he was angry.  He thanked her and once she left he walked without a word to the broom closet.  In there was an 'Ekle broom' that my mother had brought from Sri Lanka. Not really sure why, but we had one. Looked similar to the picture below.

They are made out of the ekel that comes from in between the leaves of the coconut tree.

The palm or branch has many leaves on either side of it as you see.  In between there is a fine hard stem.  In many Asian countries they use this stick or Ekel to make brooms, similar to the one above and also another to use outdoors on the sand. We had one that looked similar to the picture above.

He very quietly took 2 Ekels from the broom and very very slowly wrapped a thread around it to keep it together.  All this without one word to either my mother or I.  I really thought I had got away with the episode, until he called me.

He told me, that I must NEVER EVER tell anyone our business and I MUST NEVER EVER tell anyone else's business to another. He asked me to put my hand out. It was my right hand that I put out, and he smacked it twice.  It wasn't hard, but I was really upset because he had gotten angry with me. I went to bed crying. But the impact on the couple of minutes was life long.  I never ever discuss our family business outside, and I never ever discuss anyone else's business.

I have taught my children this lesson.  Not quite in the same way as my dad did.  But I believe they too have learnt that lesson.